I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
