I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
