Betty ford says i'm here all night
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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