He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
