Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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