hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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