I am puke
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
