I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
