I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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