sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
PANTIES FOUND
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