Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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