i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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