Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize