I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
