Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
