I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Randomize
