Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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