He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
