The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
