I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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