she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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