i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
its liver damage thursday
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
