Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize