she woke up with a sticky ear
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize
