I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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