dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
