It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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