16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
