OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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