I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Houston, we have a blender
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
