look no pants
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
