we made out on top of his cat.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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