I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
