we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
