I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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