fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
