we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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