I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
