You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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