Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
