i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
