Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
