I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
