I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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