Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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