you guys were way drunker than both of me
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
