please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
