are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
