Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
