I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
