Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He better not be in your backpack
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
