I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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