You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
