She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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