one two three fourrrrnication!
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
