There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
