is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
