three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
