U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Alive.
So much puke
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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