my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
