I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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