i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
