Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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