I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
