My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
